An Oft Ignored Reason Folks Want Trans Men and Women Out of Gendered Spaces

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So, apparently this is still an issue. Despite no record of any trans woman, or man, ever molesting someone in a gendered space, the fear mongers still do their best to keep us out. They are helped out by proxies posing as thoughtful observers. These folks try to tell us that cis girls are brought up to be modest, and that undressing in front of “boys,” yes some of them deliberately misgender young trans women, is not a matter of fear, but of their sense of decency. The fact that they are asking another young woman to undress in front of boys is apparently lost on them. I find myself wondering what is it they are really afraid of, and then it dawned on me. Continue reading

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A Simple Analogy, But I Think It Works

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The last month or so the “T” word has been on the internet quite a bit lately. A minor storm erupted over drag performer RuPaul’s use of it as part of their show. Dan Savage created an uproar of his own when a 17-year-old challenged his open use of it during a discussion regarding the reclamation of slurs. I am far less disturbed by his use of it than I am his, and his co-panelists, reactions both toward a minor and then toward the public at large for calling them out for those reactions. Slurs, the reclamation thereof, and figuring out where, when, and for whom it is OK to use them is difficult, especially when examining the history behind them. I think I have figured out a way of thinking about it that works. Try this on for size: Continue reading

New Poem: Under Siege

On top of everything else I get to deal with, every June, when I want to stand side by side with the rest of the community, they get particularly aggressive about shutting ¬†we trans folk up. Please, gay, white male friends do not send me your complaints of “not all gay, white men,” because I, like so many after the shooting two weeks ago and the blowback from it, have had a belly full of “not all” anything. The simple fact of the matter is we trans folk feel like we are living life under siege, and we are about done with it. Continue reading

Bloodied and Bruised and Better For It

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Been away a bit. The universe hands us our challenges and some times we are better at coping with them than others. I have not been very good at it lately. I have not been horrible about it, mind you, but stress, and depression, and so much more (really, why do we have wisdom teeth?) have kept me from living up to my potential lately. Once in a while we need to really get dragged through the mud and the blood to really appreciate what we have, and what we can do. The past few days, while hard, have reminded me of that. Continue reading

Being “Nice” And Complacency Doctrine

I used to have a real bad temper. I rarely hurt other people, at least in my adult life, but you would not want to be a wall, chair or end table around me when my ire was raised. I could yell with the best of them and whether or not I was right or wrong about the issue at hand is ultimately immaterial, because I was so very wrong in how I reacted. I wreaked havoc on those around me and was frankly not a very pleasant person to be around. I have made peace with the demons that put in me in that place though and with the fact that I was there to begin with.

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How Do You Respond When Good People Screw Up? (TW: transphobia)

Seriously, I would like to know. Lately I have seen more “I’m not (x-ist) but” from people I would have thought know better. In particular tiny displays of cis sexism (and the attending sexism) have been on the rise and I have found myself flustered. These are nice people, smart people, who I do not want to start a fight with, but at the same time they have said something very hurtful to me, to all trans folk, and do not seem the least bit bothered by it. They are bothered by the potential for being perceived as homophobic or transphobic, but the comments themselves; not so much. Continue reading