An Oft Ignored Reason Folks Want Trans Men and Women Out of Gendered Spaces


So, apparently this is still an issue. Despite no record of any trans woman, or man, ever molesting someone in a gendered space, the fear mongers still do their best to keep us out. They are helped out by proxies posing as thoughtful observers. These folks try to tell us that cis girls are brought up to be modest, and that undressing in front of “boys,” yes some of them deliberately misgender young trans women, is not a matter of fear, but of their sense of decency. The fact that they are asking another young woman to undress in front of boys is apparently lost on them. I find myself wondering what is it they are really afraid of, and then it dawned on me.

Though these folks may indeed think we are molesters and perverts, and while that may be the ostensible reason they hate and fear us, I think deep down, it is not us they fear, but their own children. They fear their sons and daughters will see us, see that we are healthy and have learned to love ourselves, and begin to question their own identities. They fear that their child may be the one to be brave enough to say “wait, this is me. I’m not a boy/girl, I’m a girl/boy.” They think of their child coming out as trans, and it terrifies them.

For some this could be rooted in worry for their child. Some of that worry is more pragmatic: “how will my child survive in such a hostile world?” It was that way for my mother. Some of it will be more religious, in a narrow sort of way: “what does this mean for my child’s soul?” Others will be selfish, concerned more of what their neighbors, friends, co workers and extended family will think of a parent with an out trans child. Unfortunately all too many, as we already know, will be willing to put their children out on the street.

Because so many cannot face the idea that their child may be one of us, you lash out. You deny us safe spaces. You tell our young they cannot change in a locker room that fits their gender. You chase us out of our appropriate bathrooms, forcing us to face beatings, or worse, in the one you think we belong in.  You are so worried about what you might have to face, even though without your bigotry it would be absolutely worry free, that you make us face more than you could ever bear.

Well I am not going away, and neither are my trans sisters and brothers. We have a right to exist. Your child has a right to self determination, whether they decide they do not fit the gender assigned to them or do. I should not have to put my head down and hope it does not get smashed just for your fragile sense of self that you project on to you child. I ask all my cis-ters and brothers to join us and end this farce posing as decency so we can all live in a safer and kinder world.


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