You have to be one of the good guys son, cos there’s way too many of the bad.
–John Custer to his son Jesse in Garth Ennis’s “Preacher”
It has been too long. Two months and change have passed since I last wrote here. I have been writing here and there: a poem, a bit of creative non fiction, my notes for a genre fiction novel I have started, and, of course, the erotica that seems to be the only thing that people are interested in buying. I would be lying if I said that was not the reason for my long vacation. I put words to page and it all seems for nothing and when I tackle an actual something, well at times, that seems even more for nothing. I see the injustices of the world and feel overwhelmed, not just by their magnitude, but by the volume of those trying so hard to cling to a status quo that values their lives over others. My hope is met with hate and I have unfortunately let that overwhelm me. It is not the first time, but I am keeping my fingers crossed that it is the last that I let it affect my work here.
Because Corporal Custer’s words are only half true. Yes there are way to many of the bad, but there are also way to many of the good, the hurt, the hungry, the disposed and despised that have no one to speak for them. It is hubris, of course, to think that I can, but maybe a little, through my essays and poetry I can give them voice. I can drown out the bigots, the warmongers and greedy barkers, the deranged pied pipers leading us to our oblivion for a decade or two more of their leisure and appetites. No, I cannot silence them,not completely, but I can show another voice, another way, and I have been shown, too often to let my depression get the best of me, that I am not alone in this, not just among my fellow scribblers, but among those who stand beside me when I call for justice.
I do not know for certain that I will not fall to my insecurities and frustration. I can only know that the best way to make sure that does not happen is to remember that I am not the only one angry with the world as it is. All I have to give is this, and my time when I can, trapped as I am by my financial circumstances, but it is, I hope, enough.