Poetry Month Celebration Day 14

In a dark sort of mood this morning, sorry for that. I just have to get these thoughts out. Maybe one day I will have answers, but not today. Today those answers seem farther than the edge of the universe.

Doppelganger Chic

Often I just stand staring at the dresser
or maybe the closet
or pile of clothes growing in the corner of my room
still and drifting at once
wondering what face I am going to wear today

I have so many

Which disguise will be my passport
into your world
who do I have to be to be
me

Sometimes I know straight away
and I am eager to try out the new outfit
the new me
and I am excited as a child on their birthday
because that is what it is
a new birthday for me
and this is the face they will all recognize
happy
happy
whatever

Mostly though
I just sit and stare
until I listlessly slip into the me
I have been of late
whoever that is

Maybe it is the tireless
noble worker
putting in the honest days work
championing the value of doing what you can
for who you can
for as long as you can

Eventually I put on the old rags
the worn out woman to be
wondering when she gets to be
wanting it to end
or begin
the same point on the circle
that seems to move away from me

When do I get to wear me
when do I get to find that fashion
that will be seen
instead of wandering like a ghost through your lives

When do I get to be real
instead of the mask
the face you want to kiss
the skin you want to feel
the person you want to hold
and recognize

How long to I have to stand here
and stare
before the right face jumps out
to be

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