Hobby, Habit, or Hazard

Untidy home office (mine)

Untidy home office (mine) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Sitting in the home office late at night, the lights off, wife and kids in bed, Jason stares intently at the monitor. He has does not bother to lock the door, the room is on its own at the end of a long hallway and he has closed the blinds. This is his time, his hour or two, or three, with no accounts to review, no bills to pay, no kids to drop off at practice. Just Jason and his “hobby.”

He knows no one knows, especially Gwen. He does his own laundry, takes out his own trash and makes it clear when the office door is closed he is not to be disturbed. He tells them he is busy with work and of course they believe him. Twenty different tabs open on his browser and he clicks furiously from one to the next, opening link after link of young women in all sorts of positions.

His heart races as his hand moves and part of him worries that someone will disobey his rules and catch him. It excites him, a little, to think about that, making his special time that much more special. His breathing quickens and his eyes dart from screen to door and back again and the girls are so exciting and before long he is finished. At least, he is finished for the first time tonight.

He goes on like this for who knows how long, biting his lip and gripping himself tight. It is raw and nerve-wracking and oh so much like heaven to Jason and it seems, these days with all his responsibilities, to be the only joy he gets in the world. Some nights, nights like tonight, he is at it until the break of dawn. “Working late” he will tell Gwen, and she believes him.

He has to think that. He does not want to imagine Gwen walking in, or lying in their bed wondering what he is doing. He cannot think about her, or the kids, or his neighbors or anyone else. Just Jason, and his “hobby” until the morning comes.

 

 

 

 

 

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