Paige sits in the kitchen chair leaning over the back drawing pictures in the foggy windows of her fourth floor apartment. It is big, and clean and has all the newest amenities and she is not quite sure what to do with the space. Boxes are stacked in the corners waiting to be unpacked but at the moment all she wants to do is look out the window into the rainy day.
The move was for the best she tells herself. Nearly three thousand miles between her mistakes and a new life. She has an excuse now, not to be at her mother’s place once a week. She never has to see any of her exes. Every awkward moment is in Southern California and here in Western New York she can start fresh. It will be easy, why wouldn’t it be?
The new job helps, of course. Three times the salary she has ever made, great benefits and they even paid for her to move here. She has her own team and a contract that gives her lots of leeway to make the job what she wants it more or less in the time she wants to. Why then, does she feel so uncertain?
She tries to convince herself it is the weather. Rochester is not Los Angeles and she only needs to get used to the cold. Paige is certain that time will fix all that and she can make a new life, new friends and be happy here. That is her mantra, a prayer to banish the nagging doubts about the good things she left with the bad. She will be happy, and she will not feel guilty. Fifteen years of taking care of mom was enough, now it is her sisters’ turns.
Looking out over downtown and the Genessee river becomes harder as the rain falls ever faster and obscures her view. The window fogs up even more and she refuses to acknowledge how appropriate that is. She demands certainty from herself and is certain she will get it. Outside, the forecast is less sure.
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