The New Navigation

Depression

Depression (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The room is bright and cheerful and completely contrasts with Brandon’s mood. The “incident” fills his mind with a sticky, dark fog and part of him does not want to move out of it. The fog is familiar, it is all he has ever known from middle school on and thirty years later it seems impossible to give up now, thought that is exactly why he has come to this place.

Everyone is nice here. They smile calmly and politely answer every question, even the ones Brandon thinks are stupid.  They want to help him, and let him know every step of the way. No one minds that he has arrived an hour early, as afraid to be late as he is of everything else. Without his asking a receptionist lets him know the cafeteria is right around the corner.They never mention the “incident,” the one with a garden hose, running car, and a closed garage.

The hour ticks away and he thinks about Mindy finding him. Shame fills his heart as he thinks of his daughter coming home from college to do laundry and opening the garage door to the cloud of exhaust. He thinks about the horror that must have been in her eyes, and about the anger and worry he saw in them when he woke up in the hospital. Those eyes followed him, even when she wasn’t around, for the two months he stayed there.

Now is the hard part. Now he is out on his own again. Mindy has moved back home but his doctors insisted, and he agreed, that he has to be responsible for his well being. He has to make his appointments and keep them without help if he is going to banish the fog once and for all.

Even now though, with all this knowledge, surrounded by these wonderful people, he is still unsure. The fog has been all he has known, with only brief escapes when he met Ginny, then married her, and when Mindy was born. A life without it will be unfamiliar, but if he is going to have a life, he needs to clear it all away. For a the first time in decades, frightened as he is, he can imagine a life without it.

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