Hello Again

DSC_0007new

You have to be one of the good guys son, cos there’s way too many of the bad.
John Custer to his son Jesse in Garth Ennis’s “Preacher”

It has been too long. Two months and change have passed since I last wrote here. I have been writing here and there: a poem, a bit of creative non fiction, my notes for a genre fiction novel I have started, and, of course, the erotica that seems to be the only thing that people are interested in buying. I would be lying if I said that was not the reason for my long vacation. I put words to page and it all seems for nothing and when I tackle an actual something, well at times, that seems even more for nothing. I see the injustices of the world and feel overwhelmed, not just by their magnitude, but by the volume of those trying so hard to cling to a status quo that values their lives over others. My hope is met with hate and I have unfortunately let that overwhelm me. It is not the first time, but I am keeping my fingers crossed that it is the last that I let it affect my work here. Continue reading

Around Again

massacre victimes

“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.”

It has been two days since the massacre in Charleston. I agree with Son of Baldwin that is what we need to call it. Not a shooting, a word that is way too neutral, but a massacre. It was a bloody, cruel mass murder executed without an ounce of remorse. In those two days I have read few, if any words, from my fellow white people. I have had many like my Facebook posts, and seen white people comment support on black folks posts. By and large, though, I hear only crickets chirping in the silent night of our conscience. Continue reading

Awake? [TW: suicide]

Thirty years stumbling and drifting. Three decades of somnambulism. Step by dreamy step trying to avoid walking into the nightmare. Thirty years since I walked down those steps and found her. I have pushed aside, reshaped, repurposed and regurgitated those memories, the ones I barely saw through the fog in my long sleep.

Am I awake now? Would I know? At least I know I have been sleeping, and the bruises from bumping into walls, and other people, are beginning to show. I can see their bruises too. If I am still sleeping, how do I see?

Yes, I think the dream has ended, but the nightmare still plays in my eyes. The knife in her hand, the one you held to her throat. Me knowing what no thirteen year old ought to. I cannot escape it, but I no longer want to. I forgive myself now.

I forgive myself for not forgiving you. No, I applaud myself for it because you deserve not an inch of it. Do what you will, what you must, but do not expect a tear of sympathy from me. You have plenty of your own: crocodile tears in crimson dripping from your wrists and I will not play anymore. I will watch where I am going, mindful of where I have been, dreaming and screaming and walking and hoping.

America’s Firearm Obsession

wpid-fL6KN5Z

The hits just keep coming. First the press deliberately focus on two lines from a much larger article about sexual violence Bernie Sanders wrote to encourage people to take his words in the exact opposite context he meant them. Now making the rounds is a month old hit piece from Slate trying to paint the Senator as a gun nut. Somehow I doubt a man who earned a D-minus form the NRA is a gun nut, but whatever. Continue reading

Gamergate and the Inadequacy of Twitter

Adam_Baldwin_close

(Originally posted on Tumblr)

I wasn’t sure which blog to use for this. Typically I use my WordPress version of HoA but somehow tumblr seemed more appropriate. I had a little fun this morning trolling gamergaters. The brouhaha over Chris Evans and Jeremy Rennner’s untoward comments about Black Widow, comments they have apologized for (Renner’s problematic one not withstanding) was met with the expected outrage from these guys. Continue reading

None of Us

budget-clipart-money_us_dollar_green

I was just scrolling through my Facebook (I really need to get out more) when I came across a headline about Hillary Clinton’s net worth. Full disclosure: I did not read the article. The headline itself implied something untoward about her income, as if making money was suddenly taboo to the opposing party, a party that has branded itself as friendly to the wealthy. Do not mistake me, I am not defending Mrs. Clinton. I have taken issue, and will continue to take issue, with her coronation by the media as the presumptive Democratic candidate a year and a half before the conventions. I just find the focus on her finances puzzling. Continue reading